Monday, August 31, 2009

Oasis Broke Up...

It's hard to believe that it'll stick but apparently the Gallagher brother circus is closed for business. Noel has issued a statement that he has quit Oasis and for super serious this time. Word on the street is that it stemmed from a routine pre-gig argument between the brothers concerning Liam being way drunk on arrival for a Paris concert. It's reported that Liam may have crossed the line with a few comments about Noel's children before throwing a guitar at his older brother. The coolest part about this supposed retelling is that Noel caught the guitar, dropped it on the ground, smashed it to shit, and then left the room. If that's true then I think it's a pretty cool way for Oasis to disband. Noel's like James Bond if that's true.

I imagine there'll be a reunion in the near future, and if not we'll at least be able to enjoy a Noel solo album.

Listen to some Oasis, friends:


All of our dreams have come true, friends. Sylvester Stallone will direct and star in Rambo 5. Thanks to the undeniable success of the previous Rambo, in which he carried out a genocide with his bare hands and a bow and arrow, the same production company has greenlit a brand new slaughterfest. Unlike Rambos of the past though, John Rambo will be fighting his battle on US soil, along with a few cerveza runs in Mexico. Apparently the demographic that he will be making extinct in this installment is human traffickers. So if you kidnap little girls and sell them to oil tycoons prepare to have your throat ripped out of your neck.

In case you need a quick refresher as to how brutally violent Rambo was, here's the trailer:

Who wants to see this in theatres with Xander and I?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Song of the Day #13

Today's song of the day is 'About Her' by Malcom McLaren. I just watched Kill Bill recently and it reminded me of this. It's a really cool video too with old footage of a Zombies performance and blues singer Bessie Smith.


Men Who Stare at Goats

Here's a trailer for the film Men Who Stare at Goats starring the likes of Clooney, Bridges, Spacey, and McGregor. It looks like a Coen brothers movie but it isn't! The cast is impressive and has a pretty good track record of hilarious roles between them. This just goes to show how Jeff Bridges needs more comedic roles.

I'm a little surprised at how many Jedi knight references are made considering Obi Wan Kenobi is in the movie.

Essential Action #2: Hard Target

Where to begin with Hard Target.

Well, the first thing you should know is that it is directed by John Woo. He's the king of stylized action movies and is responsible for gems like The Killer, Face/Off, and Mission:Impossible. This means that not only will the action be over-the-top but it will be plentiful. You're bound to see lots of spin-kicks in trench coats and slow-mo emptying of Beretta clips.

Secondly, Hard Target is filmed in such a way that the setting, New Orleans, is as much a character as our hero Jean-Claude. The soundtrack is 100% bluesy and for the first time JCVD's french accent suits his character. The town is made out to be a ghost town full of criminals and homeless people, and what better setting for a good old fashioned game of manhunt.

The character of Chance Boudreau, played by JCVD, is the perfect cheesy action movie hero. Not only does he have a greasy jheri curl mullet and all of his clothes are made of denim, but his name is Chance. Chance! One of the funniest moments in the history of movie dialogue occurs in this movie when Chance is asked about his obscure name:

His mama took one! A chance! I love this movie.

Hard Target's greatest strength as a movie is how the plot follows the same storyline as a video game. There's a main boss, his right-hand man, and an infinite amount of gun toting henchmen. On top of that, all of the bad guys have unique weapons like crossbows, sniper rifles, and singe-shot pistols, all justified by the fact that they're 'in it for the hunt'.

So not only do we have the brilliant Jean-Claude Van Damme as the mysterious and deadly Chance Boudreau, but the main villian is everyone's favourite Lance Henriksen of Aliens and Millenium fame. His right hand man is named Pik van Cleef played by Arnold Vosloo whom you know as the mummy from The Mummy movies. And last but not least, Wilfred Brimley is in this movie. Wilfred Brimley is in this movie. I had to say that twice. He plays a horse-back riding, bow and arrow carrying, gumbo cooking Frenchman who's old age and limited mobility doesn't stop him from thwarting countless professional killers.

The action scenes are too many to disect but you should know that there is a scene in which Chance grabs a snake by the 'throat' and punches it in the face, knocking it out. While you think that's probably the most ridiculous thing you'll see, wait until you see the death of the main villain. Hard Target follows Die Hardian Ethos well and as a result a monster showdown between Chance and Lance results in one of my favourite villian deaths ever.

Overall, Hard Target is an easy watch because it doesn't waste time with character development, avoiding stereotypes, and transitioning well between scenes. It's Jean-Claude Van Damme and Wilfred Brimley killing hundreds of men with sunglasses and leather jackets. Sometimes even in slow motion.

Get drunk and take a 'chance' on Hard Target, folks!

Here's the trailer:

Here's JCVD improvising when he doesn't have enough time to hold a gun properly:

And finally, here's why not to fuck with Lance and Pik. Also, a good example of their non-verbal communication skills:

"I know that look. That's the look he makes when he wants me to hold a snake up in the air for him shoot in the head with his single-shot pistol."

This isn't from Hard Target but it's another example of Lance placing people in mortal danger just for the chance to shoot things out of their hands:

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Song of the Day #12

Today's song is the first single from the Arctic Monkey's new album Humbug. I haven't heard the whole album yet but this sounds like the Arctic Monkeys I've grown to love. The video is also very cool.


Check out their Myspace for more tracks from Humbug.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Smelson Mandela and Obaminaton

Damn Nelson Mandela!

Figure it out.

Julian Casablancas Interview

Here's a short interview with Strokes frontman Julian Casablancas regarding his new solo album coming out this fall. He talks about how the album will mix modern and classical styles of music and we even hear a guitar solo that sounds a little metal blend into a classical sounding organ piece. There's also a moment where he speaks about The Strokes' upcoming album with great excitement and that is definitely good news for all of us, friends.


Here's the preview for his album also.

Song of the Day #11

Another song I heard while visiting The Lounge with Jordan. This is 'Pisshead' by the band The Miserable Rich. It's great.

'I'd feel much better if I had a drink'

Go to their Myspace to hear an album version. Do it!

Gary Busey on Twitter

Here's a link to the supposed Twitter page of the legendary actor, artist, and child of the universe Gary Busey. I don't like Twitter. I think it's ridiculous. But it's Gary Busey, people!

Here's a few of my favourite posts,

"You can hog tie a grizzly bear, but you can't put a straight jacket on a rattlesnake."

"500 followers! The next person to post an @GBusey, I will name my burrito after you. Then I will eat it and you will be inside of me."

"I have no idea what oyster shucking is, but I want nothing to do with it."

Real or fake, it's pretty funny. Check it out: Gary Busey.

Fantasic Mr. Fox

Here's the trailer for the film Fantastic Mr. Fox, the newest work from director Wes Anderson. Anderson is most notable for his unique film style which usually consists of Bill Murray and the Wilson brothers conversing monotonously over indie music. Fantastic Mr. Fox is based on a Roald Dahl book and will be Wes Anderson's first attempt at stop-motion animation. The trailer makes the movements of the characters seem a bit rough and it's hard to not picture George Clooney's face the whole time but I have faith it will be good.

Take a goose's gander:

At least it doesn't look as bad as Avatar...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Song of the Day #10

Today's song of the day is Borrowed Time by John Lennon. Jordan just showed me this song recently and I can't believe I'd never heard it before. It has two of my favourite things in music; reggae and John Lennon. It's also a great song to hear after having a birthday because, as John says, it's 'good to be older'.

Sir John:

Great Liam Gallagher Quote:
"John Lennon thought he was god. I just think I'm John Lennon"

Steven Seagal Is a Man of Law

Here's the preview for Steven Seagal's new reality show called Steven Seagal: Lawman. Apparently Steve has been an honorary deputy for 20 years in New Orleans and he actually serves as an officer 'between films'. So when he's not filming classics like Pistol Whipped (2008), Today You Die (2005), and Clementine (2004), Seagal is keeping the streets clean and brainstorming new film names. I only know Steve as the wise-beyond-his-years vigilante out to teach lessons and administer life-altering beatings, it's hard to believe he can go by the book. I guess it's true though because it looks like he cut off his ponytail...

Look Out!

Actual Steven Seagal Quote:
“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.”
Mission Half-Accomplished, Steve.

Funky Colourful Stuff

Here's a series of colourful wallpapers by artist Jared K. Nickerson pf J3Concepts. There's something about giving milk cartons big smiles and puppy dog eyes that put me in a good mood. If that cloud is so happy then why shouldn't I be!?!

Check out a few more:

And here's the gallery!

Larry David Hates Packaging

Here is a video of Larry David trying to open an electronic device with too much plastic packaging. The video also happens to double as the preview for the new season. The season that will feature a Seinfeld reunion.



Here's the trailer for the upcoming Michael Cera movie Youth in Revolt. The film is based on the novel by C.D. Payne and is one of the funniest books I've ever read. I think the trailer looks pretty good and the physical manifestation of Francois as an actual character could have delightfully hilarious results. I'm also excited for the casting of Zach Galifianakis, Ray Liotta, and Steve Buscemi as various unfit father figures.

Take a look:

Friday, August 21, 2009

Half Man - Half Amazing

This is a video of a boy named Daniel Pelletier who is paralyzed from the waste down but can still skateboard better than I ever will. He uses two crutches to maneuver through tricks and he's apparently gotten pretty good at it. I've already made the 'he's better than me' joke so just watch the video.

Impressive. Not sure if adding your home phone number was the best idea, though.

Song of the Day #9

Today's song of the day is a tribute to Allen Shellenberger, the drummer from Lit, who passed away this week after a 15-month battle with brain cancer. It's a sad day for Lit fans. So really it's just a sad day for Bobbie and I.

Lit - Over My Head:

Animals in Suits

This is a gallery of prints for sale by artist Ryan Berkley. They are essentially just portraits of animals wearing various suits and costumes. There's a dog spaceman, a cowboy T-Rex, and even a rat train conductor. Sweet.

Here's the gallery:

Berkley Illustrations

And here's a couple more of my favourites:


Amy found them!

Shaq vs Nash

You've probably heard about Shaq's new reality show called 'Shaq VS.' in which he competes against top athletes in other sports. Recently he was in a boxing match with Oscar De La Hoya, which I'm assuming ended in the death of the boxer/pop sensation. More importantly, Shaq got the idea for the show when he was traded to Phoenix and Steve Nash told him that he was working on doing a reality show. Nash told Shaq about a show where he would compete against athletes from other sports. Sounds familiar. So after Nash discovered that Shaq was biting his shit he called his lawyer and they settled on giving Nash some cash AND an Executive Producer credit on the show!

Steve's the man. Although I'm probably one of the few who still finds Shaq's antics funny, it's obvious that a reality show starring Steve Nash would have been much more entertaining. He's more athletic than Shaq and he's probably one of the funniest guys in the NBA.

As proof, please consult the following videos:

This is Steve Nash as 'The Spokesman' for Vitamin Water:
Check out the rest of that series, too.

Steve and Baron Davis as Step Brothers!!
'Get your hands off of my ass, Steve Nash!'

Finally, a GPS lady telling his life story. This one always chokes me up.

I rest my case.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Remember KerPlunk?! Everyone's favourite onomatopoeia!

This was one of those games that I only ever played at friend's houses so I never had the chance to get sick of it. In fact, I might go out and get one today. Could make for a decent drinking game...

The Number to Heaven & Report Card

Here's a couple short videos by filmmaker Jason Eisener. The first is about a boy mourning the loss of his mother while paddling in the lake with his monster father. The second is about a shotgun wielding man whose stuffed animal killing spree is interupted by his crippled child's return from school. Eisener is the same guy that made the fake trailer 'Hobo With A Shotgun' from Tarantino's Grindhouse. He also has a movie called Treevenge that was recently screened alongside Dead Snow (Nazi Zombies) at Sundance.

The Number to Heaven:

Report Card:

And here's Hobo With A Shotgun in case you forgot:

Note the cameo by Trevor Lahey of Trailer Park Boys fame.

The Wolfman

This is the trailer for the upcoming movie The Wolfman starring Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, and Hugo Weaving. First of all, that's a badass cast. Any other time I would question why it's necessary to make another werewolf movie but this one carries some star power and looks genuinely scary. There hasn't been a great werewolf movie since Jack Nicholson's Wolf so hopefully this one can show Van Helsing, Underworld, and Twilight what's up.


It's trying very hard to be Sleepy Hollow but I guess there's no harm in that since that movie was wicked awesome.

Photoshopped Animals

Here's a cool website dedicated to photoshopping different animals together with hilarious results. Some of them are really creative and well shopped. Others are bad ideas and poorly shopped. Either way, playing God is fun!

Here's the site:

Essential Action #1: True Lies

This will be the first of several appearances by Mr.Schwarzenegger and what better way to start then with one of the best blockbusters of all time. True Lies.

Before the days of Transformers, action blockbusters had character and integrity. They were more than just test movies for Blu-Ray players at Best Buy. They featured seasoned actors placed in extraordinary situations with luck on their side. True Lies is a very important action movie and therefore an obvious choice to begin this list.

As you will see with most of the movies on this list, True Lies is an excellent example of a film that follows the Die Hardian Ethos. DHE, for short, refers to the structure of an action movie and it's ability to best follow the themes put forward by Die Hard and the characterizations portrayed by it's protagonist John McClane. Simply put, a hero is introduced that we grow attached to through his/her humour and rebel attitude. Something is taken from this character and the result is a huge amount of death culminating in the stylistic murder of the lead villian. At the same time, there must be no direct involvement of major law enforcement to assist the character and there must also be a comic relief cast to play opposite the hero. In the end, our hero is reunited with that which he lost and he/she gains valuable perspective on whatever conflict was occuring before the action began (i.e. marriage, family, work).

The more a film follows Die Hardian Ethos, the easier it is for the audience to become interested because they feel comfortable and familiar.

So back to True Lies. There's no question whether or not the protagonist is a success because Arnold is the king of action movies. His efficient, military killing style and playful, foreign charm are all you need. He's coupled with wise-guy Tom Arnold of Roseanne fame, which ups the funny tenfold. That's one of the best features of True Lies, it's humour. Everyone in the cast has their shot at comedy and it keeps the movie very light-hearted. The casting of Bill Paxton as a sleezy used-car salesman who pisses his pants at TWO points in the movie is genius. True Lies is pre-9/11 so the villians are generic middle-eastern terrorists sporting turbans and AK-47's, but that just adds to the overall 'this is an action movie' sense that True Lies puts across. It doesn't take itself too seriously. The villian is forgetable but his death is supremely written and very fitting. There's nothing worse then watching an action movie and not feeling like the bad guy got what was coming. This guy does. The killing in the movie is completely original and 'Oh, Shit!' inspiring. Overall, True Lies is an action movie for anyone and I suggest you see it, even if The Notebook is your favourite movie, you'll have fun.

Here's a few clips of Arnold chasing a motorcycle through a hotel on horseback, bonking two dogs heads together in mid-air, teaching Bill Paxton a lesson, and dropping some classic one-liners:

And here's the official trailer:

"It's a snow cone maker. Is it a water heater?"

Essential Action: Introduction

I'm pleased to announce that I will be starting a new thread similar to 'Song's of the Day' in which I will feature an essential movie from my favourite film genre: Action. The action movie is a unique genre because, like horror, if done correctly or incorrectly, both could easily result in an equally entertaining movie. The high budget blockbuster action movie has just as much cultural signifigance as the cult classics, if not less. In an effort to maintain consistency in this list of Essential Action, I would like to propose a grading rubric that will be used to identify the strengths and weaknesses of each action flick.

The rubric will contain sections for:
- Protagonist: backstory, intensity, coolness, how much I wish I could be them, etc
- Antagonist: evilness, scheming ability,how much I wish I could be them, etc.
- Conflict: relevance, believability, awesomeness
- Kills & Explosions: quantity, originality, sweetness
- Cast: big bugdet names, comic relief, typecasts

I will not be ranking the films in any specific order because I believe every action movie has something to offer and should all be treated with equal regard. I hope you enjoy the list to come as much as I will enjoy writing it. Action movies deserve the same respect as movies made for Oscar season,

"Those do-gooders are all a bunch a pitiful losers, every last one of them. Want results? You have to go to the Schwarzeneggers, the Stallones, and to a lesser extent, the Van Dammes."
-Bart Simpson

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Song of the Day #8

Today's song is Cool it Now by New Edition. I shouldn't have to explain this...


Good Call, Stephen.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Where Video Games Are Born

This is a series of photos by artist Marc Da Cunha Lopes depicting the factories in which some of our most beloved video games are created. It's a really cool photo series because not only are the allusions very subtle but they're also super realistic. This satisfies me as a photographer AND as a nerd.

Check out the rest.

Average Homeboy

After my post about the new Nas and Beastie Boys track, I recieved some feedback about another MC who deserves to be recognized for taking positive strides in the hip hop community. His music tackles tough topics like drugs and race relations while still keeping it fresh and light hearted. Also, for enjoyment he likes to shoot some hoops, but not until he eats all his Froot Loops.

Open your mind:

Thanks to Youngbot for keepin' it real.

Beer Me My Sniper Rifle

Here's a video of a man sitting in the middle of the road threatening to kill himself with a pistol. The police have arrived, set up snipers, and given the man a beer they shook up to distract him when he opens it. A sniper then shoots the gun out of his hand while his arm is resting on his knee. His reaction is priceless and so is the suave British narrator and Stevie Ray Vaughn guitar riffs.


Bear Sack and Turtle Sup

BAM! Winner.


Ladies and Gentlemen, The Beatles!

This is the latest trailer for Beatles Rockband and a supposed track list for the game as well. It's a pretty predictable set list but I imagine there will be dozens of songs released after the game is out. Even though Rockband and Guitar Hero peaked a year ago, I think this game is going to be huge. Bigger than Jesus, even.

Here's the track list:

I Want To Hold Your Hand
I Feel Fine
Day Tripper
Paperback Writer
Don’t Let Me Down
I Saw Her Standing There
Do You Want To Know A Secret
Twist and Shout
I Wanna Be Your Man
A Hard Day’s Night
Can’t Buy Me Love
Eight Days a Week
Ticket To Ride
Drive My Car
I’m Looking Through You
If I Needed Someone
Yellow Submarine
And Your Bird Can Sing
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/With a Little Help From My Friends
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Getting Better
Good Morning Good Morning
I Am The Walrus
Hello Goodbye
Dear Prudence
Back In the U.S.S.R.
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Helter Skelter
Hey Bulldog
Come Together
Octopus’s Garden
I Want You (She’s So Heavy)
Here Comes the Sun
Dig a Pony
I Me Mine
I Got a Feeling
Get Back
Within You Without You

And here are some computer generated characters singing the aforementioned songs:

Sucks that 'A Day in the Life' isn't on the first release. It's perfect for drunk Rockbanding.

'Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head...'

Monday, August 17, 2009

Song of the Day #7

Today's song of the day is 'Rudie Can't Fail' by The Clash. Because it's great.


Too Many Rappers

'Too many rappers to shake a stick at
I oughta charge a tax for every weak rap'

In the same vein as Jay-Z's 'Death to Auto-Tune', The Beastie Boys and Nas released this single called 'Too Many Rappers'. The song is about the overload of weak rappers and shitty ryhmes that fill the airwaves nowadays. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a new hip-hop artist since the 90's. There's obvious exceptions but the overall scene is whack. Leave it to Jay-Z, Nas, and the Boys to call them out.

The best part of this song is the last couple lines:

'Perpetrators we can point ‘em out
So if you got somethin’ on your mind let it out'

Hopefully we hear some bozo respond so that they can get ripped to shreads.


Heard it first from Rog. Word.

10 Foot Cock & A Few Hundred Virgins

This is a song by comedian Tim Michin called 10 Foot Cock & A Few Hundred Virgins. It's a fairly clever religious commentary based mainly around the fact that God frowns upon buggery. One of my favourite pastimes is hearing all the things the Bible forbids and allows and how hypocritical, ignorant, and out-dated they all are. That's no reason not to blindly follow it, though.

Don't have anal sex, but go ahead and eff your sister:

Thanks to Nadia for finding this gem.

Here's a follow-up video clip from the West Wing in which Martin Sheen gives some chick the biz. Religiously speaking.

Rob Lowe!

Stupid Dunks

The annual Lakers 3-on-3 Tournament was held recently and here are some video highlights of the dunk competition that took place. It's basically just guys jumping over a ridiculous amount of people and still doing a trick before dunking. I've started to see a lot of dunk vids lately where folks are pulling off stuff that I don't think the top dunkers in the NBA could do. This year's NBA All-Star game is gonna be fun.

Note the dope Laker's rap:

What an awful song.

iGunnin' Down the Traffic

iPods can come in very handy in a traffic jam; whether it's being used to listen to music while you drive or simulate a killing spree with the iGun app. Here is an example of the latter:

Mind the N-bombs.

Maybe there was a traffic jam because so many people were not only operating a vehicle but also using two hand-held electronics. Either way, Kev did the right thing.

Kill Bird

Speaking of QT, here's a sweet Kill Bill t-shirt from Threadless called 'Kill Bird'.

Threadless Clothing

Tarantino's Top 20

Here we have Quentin Tarantino's list of his favourite 20 films since the release of Resevoir Dogs in 1992. I've always considered Tarantino one of the greatest directors of all time given his resume over the past 17 years, so it's interesting to see what he considers a good movie. You would assume the list would consist of mainly old-school Kung Fu and gore movies but it's actuall pretty funny to see what some of his picks are. There are a few questionable picks but he backs them up with good reasoning.

Here's one of my favourite pieces of dialogue Tarantino has written to further show his interest in the Superman mythology:

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Song of the Day #6

Today's song is called 'Sleepdriving' and it's by the band Grand Archives. They're a relatively new band- out for a couple years- led by the former guitarist of Band of Horses. It's a relaxing listen.

Look At This Fucking Hipster


Over-sized non-prescription glasses.
Wool jackets in the summer time.
Purple V-necks.
Ironic moustaches.
Apple laptops full of first albums.
Pabst Blue Ribbon.

I hate them. They're the death of culture.
Do you agree? If so, here is a website for you:

Look At This Fucking Hipster

Danny Doin' Work

This video is of trick biker Danny MacAskill tearing up the street doing urban bike tricks. It's amazing. He does things I didn't even know you could accomplish on a bike.
What makes it even better though is the music and editing. The song builds as Danny tries to complete his first trick, and when he does the song picks up all of a sudden and all of the tricks sync up perfectly. The song, Funeral by Band of Horses, is one of those 'epic' sounding songs too so you feel like you're witnessing something really important.

Watch it ova and ova:

Jesus Saves!

This is a video some moron recorded of her and a friend trying to convert a girl from Hinduism to Christianity. She introduces her friend as such:

'She's Indian. It's an African country in Asia.'

That's just the tip of this dumbass iceberg, too. They move on to religion and attempt to convince their Indian friend that she is 'wrong' and there is too much 'proof' that Jesus existed to believe anything else.

Sara: I like being Hindu, I think it's a great thing.
Ignorant American Bitch #2: wannna go to hell?

Sara actually takes it pretty well because if I heard either of these girls speak about any subject I'd probably be forced to involve them in a scenario that ultimately concluded with them being run over by a bus. They're clearly from the United States and they cleary believe anything their parents or Bill O'Reilly tells them.

These two ignorant slobs are what is wrong with the world. Sara's a comic genius.

Don't enjoy: